Chapter 9 - The Search Is On

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

Raymond Lindquist

The house was a mess.  There was stuff all over the place, chairs tipped over, drawers open, rugs and clothes in heaps in random places across the house, and broken picture frames scattered all over the floor. 

“Who on earth would do this? Who could hate us this much to want to break in to our house and cause so much damage?” I thought to myself. 

Mike came speeding into the driveway within five minutes of me calling him.

He came rushing to the door yelling, “Rorey, Rorey, are you ok? What happened? Is everything ok?”

The questions came to a screeching halt when he reached the door and seen the immense damage that had been done. 

“Oh my goodness,” He exclaimed, “Who would do this?”

“I have no idea.  I feel like there aren’t too many people that know that my parents are gone.  People didn’t know that I was gone, or that my sisters were at work.  Someone had to be watching the house to take in that kind of information,” I answered.

“This is crazy.  We need to call the cops.  Are you sure he isn’t still here?” He asked.

“No, I’m not sure of anything, but you’re right we should call the cops.” I responded.

“911 State your emergency.”

“Hi, yes this is Rorey, my house has been broken into and I was hoping you could send a cop to investigate.” 

The dispatcher got the rest of my information and promised there was someone on the way.  She warned me to pay attention to make sure the thief was not still in the house.  Mike and I decided we should get in his truck, lock the doors, and wait for the cops.   Within about 30 minutes the cops arrived at my house.  When they got there, we got out of the truck and started giving them information.  They decided they wanted to do a full on search of the house before letting us come in, just to make sure it was safe.  After five minutes of what seemed like endless waiting, they came out and declared the house “clear” for us to enter.  We climbed out of the truck and followed the cops in to assess all the damage that had been done. 

“Something you need to really pay attention to is if anything is missing.” The sheriff explained, “Sometimes when people break in, they do so just to damage the house and scare you, not always to steal things, but with a mess like this, it is easy to overlook something that may be missing.  It would be wise of you to get in some other family members to asses with you so that you don’t miss anything. “He explained kindly.

I couldn’t believe that never ran through my head to call my sister.  Of course she would come home.  I quickly dialed my sister’s number and explained everything to her in one quick breath.  She told me she would be there right away.  The next few hours were exhausting.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  What a terrible week.  After assessing the house intently for 3 hours, we came to the conclusion that the only thing we couldn’t find was our journals.  It was quite strange really.  Both of us girls keep journals, something our mother taught us when we younger.  Emma was the first one to realize hers was missing.  After she noticed hers missing I checked for mine in my secret hiding place.  Sure enough, it was gone.  That seemed so strange to not only me, but the police as well.  

“Can you think of anyone who would want both of your journals?” asked the sheriff.

We both looked at each other as if staring at one another could bring forth the answer.

I spoke first, “I honestly cannot think of anyone who would do this for my journal.  I don’t understand why you would tear up an entire house for two sister’s journals.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” the sheriff responded.

“Why is that a bad thing?” Emma asked.

“Well, because if there is nothing socially going on with you guys and anyone else, the robber could have possibly wanted your journals for information.  You know things like, information to accounts, information about upcoming vacations or trips, plans to be gone for certain periods of time, that sort of thing.” e He answered.

“That is weird that he broke in and caused this much damage, only to plan another attack.  There was plenty around for him to take if he wanted to.  Why go to that much trouble without taking anything else?” I questioned.

“Well, that is a good question that no one really knows the answer to.  Something we need to try and figure out.”

“So how do we do that?” Emma asked.

“You need to contact your parents.  Fill them in on what’s going on.  See if there is anyone they could suspect or any reason they would know of for someone to do this.  Let me know what you find out.  After that, I have written down all I could and taken pictures.  Lastly I need to go out and check for foot prints and tire tracks.  That is really all we can do.  I will go back to town and keep my ears open for any strangers that have passed through town, or suspicious  activity.  For now though, I would recommend keeping your doors locked.”

“Thanks officer, we appreciate your help.” I answered.

“Mike, will you be staying here tonight?” the Sheriff asked.

“Yes Sir, I will be.” He answered.

“Good, I think keeping a man around till everyone gets home and settled again would be a smart idea.” The Sheriff said.

At that point Emma and I both knew that any protest would be pointless so we just settled with the idea.  The Sheriff went outside took lots of pictures and measurements.  He came in to check on us one last time and make sure we didn’t need anything.  After he left we started making phone calls.  Emma called Mom and Dad and I called Jannett.  Mike went out to his truck, tied on his gun holster, and came back inside.  He told us it was for safety precautions.  Following the phone calls and target practice we locked the doors and settled down at the table to try and eat dinner. 

Emma noticed my frequent checking of the clock and picked up on my anticipation to get back to the hospital and said, “Rorey, you are welcome to go back to the hospital, I will be fine here by myself.”

“No, I am not going to leave you guys here tonight,” I replied.

“I will be fine Rorey.  You and Mike really should get back,” She answered.

“Oh no, no one is getting rid of me that easy.  It just doesn’t seem like a good idea for no one to be here tonight and even less to let someone be here alone tonight.  Rorey, you really should get some sleep before getting back to the hospital.  That’s why you came home in the first place remember?” Mike replied.

I tried to protest, but Emma chimed in, “Rorey, Mike is right, you need to get some sleep.”

I went to bed to get some sleep before heading back to the hospital.  When I finally climbed in bed and let myself relax, I replayed the events of the previous day in my head.  My, what a day it had been.  In all of this, I had forgotten about Jeff.  Where had he gone? Was he upset with me? Yes, of course he was upset with me, but what could I do about it? I mean it’s not like I knew he was coming.  I didn’t have any idea that he was going to move to Idaho to go to school.  It’s not like I asked him to do this.  I haven’t even been in contact with him.  What a weird day.  Then there were things with Charlie.  Were we “officially dating” now?  He did tell the doctor I was his girlfriend.  I guess there were just more conversations to come with him.  What about the house?  Who on earth would do this to our house?  Why would someone do that to anyone’s house?  And why on earth would they take my journal.  I know the Sherriff thought it could be for informational purposes, but I wasn’t sure I was buying that.  I mean, there were calendars and planners on both of our desks and on the kitchen table and they didn’t take that.   Then a thought popped into my head… No he would never.  Ok, I finally told myself, you have to get some sleep.  I drifted off into a deep sleep.   I dreamt of lolly pops and fields of daisies.  Unfortunately, my dreams didn’t stay sweat for very long.  I woke up at 2 a.m. in a cold sweat.  I was dreaming of the robber breaking into my house.  He was wearing a ski mask, all black clothes, and black gloves, as if not to leave behind any finger prints.  He said put your hands up and tell me where you keep your journals and no one will get hurt.  I looked in his eyes and I recognized them.  I was just about to say his name when I woke up.  Whose eyes were those?  I recognized them.  They were very distinct.   I rolled over and tried to take a deep breathe.  I got up and went to the window.  Just as I reached the window I seen a shadow running back behind the barn.

“MIKE, MIKE, MIKE.. WAKE UP! WE HAVE TROUBLE!” 

Chapter 8 - Breaking and Entering

“If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.” – John Maxwell

When I woke up I was laying on a bed next to Charlie’s bed.  I sat up rather quickly and then remembered why people had always said not to sit up to quickly.  The room span around and around and I closed my eyes. 
"Hey crazy girl! How are you feeling over there?"
"Um..funny you should ask, I think, well.. What happened?" I asked, not really remembering the previous events.
"Haha, well my good looks finally did you in.  You walked in, seen my beautiful face, and down you went.  Passed out like cold turkey the day after Christmas."
"Thanksgiving."
"What?"
"You said cold turkey the day after Christmas, its Thanksgiving.  You have cold turkey for days after Thanksgiving."
"Don’t you have turkey for Christmas too?"
"Sometimes, but traditionally its ham."
"Oh well excuse me Ms. holiday police." He said jokingly.
"Haha, well I thought I had to get you off that big beautiful horse somehow.  That seemed to be the easiest way."
"Oh, well thank you for not letting me stay up there too long.  You know what happens when that happens right?"
"No, what?"
"You pass out!"
We both laughed.  It felt so natural.  Talking to him.  Laughing with him. I knew this was right.  Doddie was correct in saying that whomever loved me, the feeling wasn’t mutual.  At least not now.
We talked for a while before the doctor came in.
"Ah Rorey, it’s good to see that you are awake.  Seems as if maybe the medical field is not something you should peruse in the near future."
"How dare you crush my girlfriend’s dream of becoming a heart surgeon!" Charlie said.
The doctor looked shocked.  I could just imagine what kind of thoughts were going through his head.
"What if I got stuck with this girl as my doctor someday.  She would have her nurses put my out because she couldn’t stand to look at the needles and then when I was nice and under she would have her intern student open me right up because of course that was out of the question and then when they started the actual open heart surgery she would pass out because she seen that my face was a little white... the scalpel would slip from her hands knick an artery and what a goner I would be.."
His voice brought me back to reality.
"Well, there are challenges in every field.  A weak mind is I suppose just one of the mountains you will have to climb when pursing this career.  I am sure you will be a great surgeon." He pasted a fake smile on his face.
Charlie and I both busted out laughing.  Ya right, I would never be a doctor.  I couldn’t even see someone after surgery let alone while they are in it.  Hahah who was he kidding!
He looked at us with a bit of confusion for the first couple of seconds of laughter and then he joined right in realizing the surgeon bit was just a joke. 
"Well, Rorey, if you are feeling well, I am going to have to ask you to step out for a few minutes while I have a look at Charlie's leg."
I scrambled off that bed faster than ice melts on a hot sidewalk in the middle of a sizzling hot summer day.
"Let me know when I can come back." I said quickly.
"WAIT! Rorey!"
"What?" I asked as I walked over to Charlie's bed with concern in my eyes, "Do you need something?"
"Just do me a favor ok?"
"Ya sure anything."
"Miss me."
A smile spread across my face. 
"Only if you do me a favor." I replied.
"What’s that?"
"Miss me more."
"Haha deal." He said as a bright smile spread across his face.
I walked out of the room with warm fuzzy feelings running through my stomach.  I should call Doddie and fill her in on what was happening. As I was walking down the hall I remembered that Charlie’s parents and Mike were in the waiting room.
“OH my goodness.. how long was I in there? Had I been passed out for hours keeping them out?” Many questions ran through my head.  Those questions were quickly answered by the wide smiles spread across the faces of all three of them as I walked into the lobby and over to the corner they were occupying. 
“Hey there sunshine.  Nice to see you could join us.” Charlie’s dad joked.
“Ah, yes, of course, your guys seen me?” I asked.
“The nurse came to get us quickly when they found you passed out on the floor.  They weren’t sure if you had an illness or just a week stomach.  We assured them that you were perfectly healthy, but possibly got a bad case of the butterflies when you stepped into the room.  I told her they probably just fluttered a little too hard.” Mike said laughing. 
“We thought about putting shaving cream in your hands and tickling your face, tying your shoe laces together, and you know some of those types of things.” Marked chimed in.
“But, I hid the shaving cream so you were safe.” Janet added laughing.
“Well thank you so much for saving my dignity from being destroyed by these two while I was lying hopelessly in a hospital bed.” I added dramatically.
“Oh, you are so good at putting guilt trips on people.” Mike added.
We all laughed. 
“So did you guys get to go in and visit with Charlie?” I asked.
“Yes, the nurse told us as long as we were quiet and didn’t wake you up, we could visit with him for a short time.  Sounds like there is one more surgery they are going to have to do and then he will be set.  The road to recovery is going to be long.  He is in a good mood now because he is on such strong pain medication.  However, once he gets out of the hospital they are going to cut back on his dosage.  They also suggested that we change to a lighter pain medication eventually, which will let him feel a little more pain, but this medication isn’t healthy for long periods of time.” Janet explained.
“So when is the second surgery going to be?” I asked.
“They are going to have to wait a few days at least.  They have to wait until the swelling goes down.  They will know tomorrow.  The doctor was going to asses it tonight, but said he wouldn’t have any real answers until tomorrow.”
“Wow, ok.” I answered overwhelmed. 
“You know Rorey, it’s getting late maybe you should go home and get some sleep.” Mark suggested.
“Well, I can’t just leave you guys here, you are tired too.” I replied.
“Well, it isn’t doing any of us any good to all be here.  How about we go in shifts.  You have had the longest day, so how about you go get some sleep first.  Come back when you get up and we will go home for a bit.  Sound like a deal?”
“Ya that sounds good.” I said
“I will give you a ride,” Mike added.
“Thanks.  I will see you guys in a few hours,” I said giving Janet and hug, “ and I truly am sorry about all of this.”
“Rorey, this wasn’t your fault.  Go get some sleep.”
The trip home went by quickly.  I didn’t realize how tired I truly was until I got in Mike’s truck.  When we were about home, Mike asked me a question that snapped me back to reality.
“So who was the guy you were with when Charlie wrecked his truck?”
“His name is Jeff, I met him at summer camp a few years ago.”
“I see,” he answered with that sound of wanting to say more lingering in his voice.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Rorey, you know I think the world of you.  Charlie is my best friend, though, and I don’t want anyone to hurt him.  You understand my concern?  I mean where is that guy now? When is he going to come around again? Is Charlie going to be out of the picture once he is out of the hospital?”
I felt bombarded with questions.  An instant reaction was how dare he question my motives.  But, the truth was he had every right to question me.  I hadn’t been all for this relationship until Charlie was in the hospital.  He wrecked his truck because he seen me with another guy.  There was defiantly room for questions there, regardless I could still feel the sting from the uncertainty. 
“Mike, Jeff came to,” I started to explain, but then changed my mind about telling him the real reason Jeff was there.  I mean that wasn’t really his business anyway right? Charlie’s maybe, but not Mike’s, “ to see me.  I wasn’t very nice to him after Charlie wrecked his truck.  Needless to say, I don’t think he will be coming around any time soon.”
“Ok, good to hear.” He said.
That was one thing I loved about Mike.  He accepted answers for what they were.  He didn’t read into them like most people did.  He didn’t question me.  He believed me.  He trusted me.  I needed that kind of boost after today. 
“Thanks for ride,” I said as we pulled up to my house, “ I will see you tomorrow?”
“Yep, I will be there.  Do you need a ride in the morning?” He asked.
“No, I will take my own car.  Thanks though.”
“Yep, no problem.  Let me know if there is anything I can do.”
“Thanks, I will.” I said as I climbed out of his truck. 
I walked to the door, but then changed my mind about going inside.  I decided a nice long walk to clear my head and recap on everything that had happened that day.  Jeff coming by was such a surprise.  Not really a great surprise either.   But, a good reminder, how people at two different parts in life can grow apart quicker than oil and water can separate.  I thought about Charlie.  His wrecked truck, holding my hand on the way to the hospital, missing him, him missing me, laughing and talking with him, the way he told the doctor I was his girlfriend.  Everything seemed so right with him.  But, why now? Why not a few days ago when we had held hands? Why didn’t everything fall into place then? Why did I fight it? Why was I in this place all of a sudden?  Did seeing him hurt have an effect on my feelings?  Would they change once he got out? I didn’t think so, but how could I really be sure.  It was all so confusing.  I felt my tummy grumble, reminding me that I hadn’t ate for several hours.  I made my way back to the house to grab a bite to eat and a quick nap before heading back to the hospital.  I walked in the door and stopped dead in my tracks.  My hands were shaking tremendously as my hands dialed Mike’s number.
“Hello?” He answered.
“Can,can,can you come back here?” I asked slowly.
“Rorey what’s wrong?” He asked.
“Someone broke in.” I answered.

Chapter 7 - The Rescue

Stephen Covy

How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most."

I ran towards the smoke.  Jeff ran after me yelling, “Rorey, wait! Be careful.  Do you even know who that is? It could be dangerous.”

“Dangerous? DANGEROUS? Forgetting Christmas is dangerous.  Telling me what to do is dangerous.  Showing up on my door step without warning is dangerous.  Getting married at the age of 16 is dangerous.  Running after a friend who just wrecked his pickup on account of me hugging some long lost stranger who did 2 dangerous things, is completely safe.” I thought.

“Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, are you ok? Charlie can you hear me? Charlie where are you?”
“I am here.  Follow my voice.  I am trapped.”

“Trapped? Rorey you can go in there.” Jeff said with worry dripping from his voice.

“Oh yes Jeff, and what do you presume I do, leave him here until my parents get home next week?
Ya, you have always had such bright ideas haven’t you? Now, go call 911 while I check to see how he is.”
“But…”
“NOW!” I hollered at him.

I found Charlie trapped under a big branch that had fallen from the tree he ran into. 
“Oh my goodness Charlie, are you ok.”
“Well, after hearing you yell at the guy I feel slightly better.”
“Charlie, this is no laughing matter.  Can you move your leg?”
“Well, that’s the slight problem.  You see, I might have heard some crushing sounds and I can’t move my leg and if I try I could quite possibly make you deaf and I would hate for you to not be able to hear my thanks for yelling at the man so….”

“Charlie,” I cried with a hint of a smile in my voice, “Can we talk about this when maybe you are like not trapped under 500000 pounds of wood!”

“You know, now that you mention it that might be a good idea.” 

“Ok so what should I do? How am I going to move this?” 

“Well, I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but, there is no way for you to lift this.  Someone is going to have to do it with either five men or a tractor.  You are or have access to neither so we are just going to have to wait for help.”
“There is a tractor in the shed.  Maybe I can…”
“Now, Rorey, I hate to say this and I mean it with the utmost respect, my leg is under this board, and well, I remember you telling me not long ago that the only real tractor you had driven more than a couple of times was the swather.  Now, I don’t think the swather would help my leg much, and I think putting the teeth of the head of the tractor might hurt slightly, so maybe we should just wait for someone to get here.  “
“Charlie, I am so sorry,” I started crying.

“That was supposed to make you laugh, not cry.  It’s ok this isn’t your fault.”
“Yes it is and you and I both know that. I should have never turned you down, and I should have never gone to coffee with Jeff, in fact Jeff shouldn’t even be here.   You should have pulled up and I would have come out and been surprised to see you and we would sit down and have a nice cup of black coffee and talk about the weather and the birds until we talked ourselves out of other things to talk about and eventually the subject of you and me would come about I would have finally told you that quite frankly I am so so so much in like with you and I was so sorry and…..”

Sirens blaring in the back ground cut my speech short.  When they got there I told them what happened and the finally got the log off of Charlie’s leg.  They said it appeared to be broken and they were going to have to take him to the hospital.   I asked if I could ride along in the ambulance with them and they said since he didn’t have any family around to ride with him I could go.  On our way I kept looking at him as they kept prodding.  His face flinched every time his leg was moved or touched.  One time he caught me looking and held the gaze.  He must have noticed the sorrow in my eyes because he reached out and grabbed my hand.  When he squeezed it I knew from that moment on things would be different between us.  We finally got to the hospital and he was taken inside.  His parents were there waiting for us and they had a lot of paper work they needed to fill out.  The doctor that seen him told them that he was going to surgery STAT and he would come out when they were done.   I went to get a cup of strong coffee to calm my nerves while I was waiting.  When I sat down on the nearest bench drinking my coffee Mike showed up. 

“You know that stuff is what makes you so short?”
“You know I don’t have to duck when I go under short tree branches?”
“You know you can’t reach things on the top shelf?”
“You know I don’t have to move the seat back in the car before I can get in?”
“You know you can never reach the cards in the middle of the table?”
“You know what... shut it!”
He laughed.  “I knew you would run out of advantages at some point.   I was hoping sooner rather than later because I was about to run out of advantages!”

We both laughed and it was quiet for a minute.

“So what happened?”
I told him every detail from start to finish. 

“So you guys are now officially together?” he asked.

“Well, I am not sure I would say officially, but I think that as soon as he wakes up from surgery we will be.”
“Waiting to make sure he doesn’t come out crazy before announcing it to the world huh?” He joked.

“NO,” I laughed, giving him a slight push careful not to spill the precious contents in my cup, “Waiting to talk to him silly.”
“Oh right, talking yes, I forgot that’s something you do best.” He teased.

“He now Mr. you are about to get yourself in big trouble,” I joked.

“What are you going to make me do, drink that nasty stuff?”

“You have some in that cup right there you nerd.”
“Ah, you are right, but this came from that pretty nurse over there, you see the one with red hair.  Ya, she thought I was cute so she went to the back room and got me some real stuff.”
“Really, what’s real stuff?”

“OH, you know, the kind with lots of sugar and heavy whipping cream.”
“Oh yes, I forgot, how could I ever forget how to make a cup of coffee “REAL”. “
“I don’t know how you forgot, but shall I refresh your memory?” He asked holding out his cup for me to try.

“Oh, you know I have already had one rush for the night, I don’t think I need a sugar high, but thanks for the offer.”

“Suite yourself.  You’re missing out though!”

“I should go talk to Charlie’s parents.  Have you seen them?”
“Yes, they are the ones that called me and told me to come.  I asked them where you were when I got here, since I knew you would be off thinking somewhere and I knew that was never good.”
“Haha funny.  But, thanks for the talk, I appreciate it.”
“I am happy for you, you know that right?”
“Ya?” I asked.

“Ya, I am.”

“You didn’t seem super happy.  You seemed kind of taken back and shocked.  You seemed like maybe you thought it was a bad idea or something.”
“Not a bad idea, just not expecting it, that’s all.”

“So it was just a surprise.”
“Ya, ya a surprise,” He answered quickly.

We walked back to find Mark and Janet.  My nerves were about as on edge as they looked in the chair. 
“Have you heard anything?” I asked.

“The doctor said it was broken in four different spots.  They are in doing surgery right now. He is going to be fine, they think, just lots of time to heal and rest.” Janet answered.

“I am so sorry, I should have never….”
Mark cut me off.  “Rorey, this isn’t your fault.  Don’t blame yourself.  Charlie is going to be fine.  Plus, I am sure you will get the joy of sitting through this healing process with us, which means that should be payback times ten for whatever you feel the need to make up!”
We all laughed.
“Thanks Mark, that means a lot to me.”

The doctor came out and said he was in recovery and one person could go back and talk to him at a time.  Everyone kind of looked at each other not sure which one was going to go first.  The doctor must have sensed the question at hand so he answered it for us.

“Um, Charlie said something about wanting to see Rorey?”

“Oh, well I mean is that ok, if I go back first?” I asked.

“Sure yes, if Charlie wants to see you then you should be the one he gets to see.” Janet answered.

As I was walking back to Charlie’s room I could feel myself getting tense.  My stomach started to get woozy.  I walked in the room and seen Charlie’s white face.  Of course he was fine, it was the anesthesia, but still, seeing him like that did me in.  I started to feel weaker and weaker.  I look at him and that was the last thing I remember… The room started to go blurry and I fell weakly into someone’s arms… everything black.

Chapter 6 - Surprise

Life is like a coin.  You can spend it any way you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Lillian Dickson



I had met him at camp last summer.  We had hit it off, but I never expected him to drive all the way from Colorado to see me. 

"Jeff, what in the world are you doing here?" I asked.

"Oh, hey Rorey, gosh it’s good to see you too!" He replied.

"Sorry, Jeff, it’s just I am so surprised to see you.  I mean, we haven’t talked in months and I just, wow, I am speechless.  I was not expecting you to be here."

"Well, I was driving to camp for the weekend, and I thought I would stop by and tell my pretty girl hello, maybe take her out for a cup of coffee."

"Oh," I chuckled awkwardly, "how sweet of you."

"So is that a yes?"

"Um... well sure.  I ah... well... um... can you come in for a few minutes? I am not really dressed for going out and I need to give leave my sister a note in case she comes home early.

"Ya sounds good."

He came in and followed me to the kitchen where I scribbled on a piece of paper a note to my sister, whom I knew wasn’t coming home until tomorrow.  Why was I trying to buy time?  Was I scared to be alone with Jeff? I got weird feelings with him being around.  He was great and we had a good time at church camp last summer, but we hadn’t talked in months.  Suddenly he shows up on my door step and wants to have coffee.  If I remember correctly, and I do, it was him who stopped talking, not me.  He had gotten mad at me because things were starting to get serious and I let him know I felt about that.  I mean for Pete’s sake he lived in Colorado and I was 16 years old.  I wasn’t ready to be talking about marriage and children.  Ya, I know, I have had my wedding planned since I was like 6, but not the actual marriage part!  Jeff was two years older, so I guess in some people’s terms that gave him the “right” to want to talk seriously about rings, hands, and marriage.  I on the other hand, was only, like I said, sixteen.  Facing my Dad after my eighteen year old boyfriend he had never met asked for my hand in marriage (sixteen remember), was not really on my list of top ten things I want to do in high school or ever! 

His voice made me jump back into reality.
“So, Roery, what’s new in your life?”

“Um… well,” I stuttered.  There was so many things that were new.  I just got out of the hospital, some mysterious friend loved me that was still a mystery to me, and then there was always Charlie.  None of that seemed appropriate to discuss with Jeff though.  So I did what I had gotten so good at…I lied. “Oh nothing new going on with me.  How about you?”

“Really, there is nothing we haven’t talked in months?” He questioned.

“Ya, whose idea was that?” I threw back at him.

“Whoa girlfriend, I didn’t mean that in a bad way.  I am sorry we haven’t talked in so long.  I am flattered that you have seemed to miss me though.  I just felt like I needed to give you time think about everything.  If I recall correctly, you were freaking out.”

“Your right.   I mean your right that I was freaked out.  Jeff, I am too young to be getting married.  Far too young actually, and I understand that you’re not, that’s your benefit, but not mine.  I’m sorry.”

“Rorey, you are right.  We are both too young to get married.  I am sorry that I rushed you.  Our time apart has shown me that.  It has also shown me how much I miss you and need you in my life.  I have fallen into some bad places since we haven’t been together.  I need you back Rorey.  I love you.”

Wow, lots of people sure love me all of a sudden.  What’s with that? I have gone sixteen years in my life and the only people who have loved me have been over the age of 25 and all of a sudden I am like … like I don’t even know.  There aren’t words. 

“Look, Jeff, I am flattered, but we haven’t talked in months.  I am not prepared to stand here and tell you I love you.  I’m sorry.”

“That’s ok, just go out for a cup of coffee with me.  There is so much we have to catch up on.”

There was just something about him that made me feel weird.  I didn’t know what it was at the time.  But, I soon found out.

We went to the local coffee shop and ordered a crème de menthe mocha frappe.  We made small talk for a while.  We talked about everything, school, life, college, jobs, and careers.  Then the real news came. 

“Rorey, I have some good news.  I am going to school at the University of Idaho.  I am moving up here in the fall.  We can spend endless time together.  I will come visit you every weekend.  I can even come down and watch you play volleyball and stuff. Isn’t that great?”

“Oh, wow Jeff, Um.. What brings you to the University?  I thought you were going to go to school in Montana?”
“I was, but I just couldn’t stay away from you.  I love you and I have so much to make up to you.  I knew you wouldn’t go for dating me if I was going to be 19 hours away, so I figured I would be as close as I could.  An hour isn’t too bad, I didn’t think.”

“Whoa, so you are moving to Idaho for me?”

“You got it pretty girl.”
“Oh gee, Jeff, um , well that’s flattering, really, but you can’t do that.”

“What do you mean I can’t do that? Of course I can and I will.  I love you so much I just can’t stand to be away.”

“Well, Jeff, I need to think about this.  It is all kind of so sudden.”
“Of course, but what do you need to think about? Don’t you feel the feelings too?”

“Well, Jeff, that’s what I need to think about.  I mean you talk about marriage, I tell you I’m too young, you disappear of the face of the earth for months, now you want to date I am assuming since you are throwing away your dreams to be here with me.  That seems strange to me.  I mean, sweet, really.  But, you can’t blame me for having to think about things.”

“No, I don’t blame you at all.  But Rorey, I just want you to know, I truly do love you.”

“Yes, Jeff, I got that.  Thanks.”

“You’re welcome pretty girl.

He seemed so different from the guy I remember at church camp.  He was moving out here for me.  That seemed absurd.  It seemed even crazier that he had never even talked to me about it.  Like he gave up his dream to be with me and he didn’t even know what my response would be.  I guess that’s faith for you, or maybe that’s love.  It just seems a little you know.. Different. 

We finished our coffee and he drove me back to my house.  He walked me to the door and we were saying good bye.  He was in the middle of giving me this big long hug, and up pulled Charlie.  I seen him and pulled away from Jeff. 

“Who is that?” Jeff asked.

Charlie looked at both of us, turned around and drove away.

“Charlie, wait, it’s not…”

CRASH..........

Chapter 5- Making Progress.. Almost

"To love is to risk not being loved in return.  To hope is to risk pain.  To try is to risk failur, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."



“Charlie, what are you doing here?” I asked in utter shock.

“Well, um.. you ran into .. I mean I ran into you today and it kind of knocked you over and well um.. you hit your head and um…” he started to explain.

“I know what happened, but Doddie said the ambulance wouldn’t let you come.” I interrupted.

“Well, they wouldn’t, but I have a car and it has four wheels, so I drove myself.   Is it ok that I am here?”
“Yes, its fine.”
“You seemed annoyed to see me.”
“NO, no, I was just surprised is all. Does Doddie know you are here?”
“Ya, she met me at the door.  She told me it was ok to come and see you.  She said you were awake and back to being your sassy self.  Her wording ,not mine.”
“Ah, yes, she would say that wouldn’t she”

“So now may not be a good time, but I was hoping we could talk.  I know that maybe things aren’t super clear right now, but I am going crazy without you.”
“Charlie, first of all, I just want to say, I am so sorry for ignoring you for the past few days.  I just don’t know what to think.  I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know how I feel.  I am so confused. “

“That’s ok, I understand.”
“No, it’s not ok.  We have been almost best friends for a long time and it’s not ok for me to just walk away from you.  I am just so unsure of how I feel and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Sadness filled his eyes.  Looking back now, I realize why, but at the time I didn’t understand.   I was telling him the truth about how I really felt and he was moping.  What was wrong with him?

“So what do we do now?” He asked.

“I think we should go back to being friends.  I like you so very much, but after the other night, I’m not sure dating is the way I want to go.  I am not telling you it will never happen, it’s just right now, I am confused and I don’t know what I want,” I replied.

“Ya, friends sound good.  It’s better than nothing right?” He said.

“I’m sorry Charlie, I really am,” I said as if a thousand apologies could make him feel better.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I will leave you to get some rest.  Talk to you tomorrow,” He said walking backwards out the door.

“So, I take it you two aren’t getting married anytime soon huh?” Doddie asked shortly following Charlie’s departure.

“How did you guess?” I asked sarcastically.

“Well, the frown on your face didn’t point to clearly in that direction, but I think it was the tears in his eyes that were the deal breaker for me.”
“He was crying?  Oh my goodness. “

“Was that a, I am so annoyed oh my goodness, or an, I feel so bad oh my goodness?”

“Both.  I hate making men cry.  I heard once that it’s not good for their self-esteem.  But, at the same time I was honest with him.  What more can he ask of me?”

“When you say honest, you mean what exactly?”

“I mean, I told him that I didn’t know how I felt about him and I think we should be friends for now.”

“Friends? Oh Rorey, you hate when people say that.  That’s even worse than telling him that you don’t like him sweet heart.”

“Why, it’s the truth.  I don’t know how I feel about him. There is this part of me that likes him a lot and wants to spend all my time with him.  But, then there is this part of me that’s like I couldn’t marry him.”

“Rorey, you are only 16, no one is asking for your hand in marriage here.”
“So you’re saying you think I should give it a try?”

“I am saying you need to assess the situation for what it is, and that is not a marriage, it’s just a boyfriend.”

“So you do think I should date him?”

“That’s up for you to decide.”

“What about the mysterious person that is in love with me?”

“Rorey, I am your best friend, so I am going to be honest with you here.  The “great friend that loves you” you don’t love.”

“How do you know?”
“Because, is there anyone you secretly love?”

“Well, no.  But, that doesn’t mean I won’t love them when I find out who it is.”

“Love doesn’t work that way Rorey.  You can’t love someone for their looks, name, or status.  You have to love them for them and by the looks of it, the only one you have on your mind right now is Charlie.  You have let this mystery lover boy come between you and your common sense.  There is a boy driving home right now that would run into your arms if you snapped your figures.  Its time you stop playing games with him Rorey.  You have got to get this figured out.”

She left me with that.  I was angry at her for the first ten minutes I was left alone, but then I came to my senses.  What had I been thinking? Doddie was right.  Charlie cared about me so much, and here I was blowing him off like that kind of offer comes around every day.  But, I really didn’t know if I wanted to date him.  I felt like that was an honest answer.  I mean I didn’t know how I felt the night we held hands and I didn’t get the note till the next day.   So, quite honestly I didn’t think I was being unfair in my thinking.  Oh, things will look better in the morning, they always do right? 

I woke up the next morning in a weird place.  I remembered that I was in the hospital when that annoying nurse came back in with her chipper state of mind.  I was half tempted to ask her what she put in her coffee, but she beat me to the punch line by stating that she was so glad she had given up coffee, the mornings were so much brighter without it.  It was at that point I officially knew she was crazy.  I checked out of the hospital that day and went home.  When I got home I realized it had been a couple of days since I had checked my email.  When I got on I had several new emails from several different people.  Mike emailed me and asked how I was doing. Charlie emailed me several times.  He asked me if I was feeling better, when I thought I would be home from the hospital and back to school, if I was mad at him, if we could talk again soon, if I ever thought we could be more than friends, and if we thought we could talk again soon, and yes I am aware that I already said that, but he asked me that twice.  I replied to Mike.  I figured I could leave Charlie for a little bit; I wasn’t sure which question to answer first and none of them really sounded too appealing.  I showered and made my way to the kitchen.   I had forgotten how hungry I really was.  You know in the movies when they say that hospital food is gross, they really aren’t exaggerating.  It truly is nasty.  Jell-O and Sprite really hadn’t cut it for me.  I dug out some salad, cut up some chicken and cheese, crushed up some crackers and made myself a good salad.  As I sat eating, thoughts of Charlie kept running through my head.  The conversation with Doddie kept gnawing at me. 
“You don’t really love this so called friend that “loves” you.”

She was probably right, but what if we fell in love.  Is it possible to truly fall in love with someone, only after finding out that they loved you first?  Oh, who was I kidding, of course it was.   How did I really feel about Charlie?  I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw him in my room at the hospital.  You know the kind that fly around in your stomach and take your breath away.  He was so handsome standing there look so sorry and sad.  He was especially cute when he started explaining to me what had happened today as if I was sitting in the hospital for some unknown reason to me.  He was cute, so what was it about him that made me question my feelings.  It seemed like things should be so clear, but for some reason there was too much hesitation in me to go forward without feeling like something just wasn’t right.  Why did things have to be complicated? Maybe things would be easier if I was more of a black and white person.  Maybe I should be clearer cut and that would do the trick.  But, how do you just make yourself black and white?  I was full of colors, in fact I was like a rainbow, and there was no washing machine that could get that color out.  I was simply born with it.  As these crazy thoughts were running through my head there was a knock on my door. 

“Who is here?” I thought.  “Mom and Dad are going to be gone until next week and Emma was working until tomorrow morning.”

“Coming,” I yelled.

My jaw nearly hit the ground when I opened that door. 

“What is he doing here?”  

Chapter 4 - Broken Hearts

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start to day and make a new ending.

Maria Robinson

The thoughts that ran through my head were endless.  When did that note get put on my windshield? How did the wind not blow it away? What would have happened if it had rained? What if someone would have taken it? What if someone would have read it? Maybe someone did read it? Who would they tell? What would they think? I drove home as thousands of questions similar to the ones above ran through my mind.  My heart sank as I thought about what torture tomorrow could possibly bring. 
After I got home and my family sat down for dinner, the question finally came to my head.  You would think it would be the first thing that ran through my head, but the questions of who was in my business and what ifs consumed me first.  As I was sitting at the dinner table, my family all around me having a pleasant "how was your day conversation" it hit me. 
"Who wrote it?" came out louder than I had ever expected.
My entire family stopped eating and looked at me.
"Rorey, who wrote what?" my Dad asked.
"Um.. nothing sorry, just thinking out loud," I replied flushed.
"That was not nothing, you have been out of it all night," my Mom chimed in.
"Sorry," I replied. "I have just been stressed today is all.  I have a huge English test tomorrow so I am reviewing authors in my head," I lied.
Dinner passed slowly it seemed.  I quickly emptied my half eaten food in the garbage and retired to my room to "study". 
My sister Emma came in a few short minutes later.  Emma was 22 years old.  She was an OB nurse at the hospital about thirty five mintues away.  She was engaged to a wonderful man named Rob and they were going to be getting married in one short month.  She decided to live with us during that month to get all of her belongings gathered before they moved into their first house together after the wedding.  She was so wise and good at giving advice it was always good to talk to her.
"What’s up?" She asked.
"Nothing much," I said as I quickly slid the note under my notebook and pretended to be knee deep in studying. "Just studying for that test I was telling you about."
"I see, I guess I don’t remember there being a big test about lots of authors this early on in the year.  I thought you guys were writing research papers.  Didn’t you choose a hot news topic to write about?"
"Alright, fine, you caught me.  I am not studying for an English test."
"What was all that about at dinner then?"
I told her the whole story about Charlie.  Then, I drug the note out from under my book and handed it to her.  As I sat there and waited for the estimate on the damage tears filled my eyes.  Two days ago I was innocent Rorey.  Charlie and I were friends.  No one that I didn’t know about didn’t love me.  Now, Charlie and mine friendship is in the ruins and someone, and no one knows who loves me. The whole situation was a bit overwhelming.
"Rorey, I know this seems incredibly crazy to you right now.  Probably even a bit overwhelming.  But my advice to you is this.."
"Wait!" I interrupted. "Let me get my notebook out so I can take notes."
"Oh Rorey," She chuckled. "My advice to you is just to take a step back and breathe.  Before you do anything you might regret you need to look at the big picture.   You need to figure out how you feel before you jump head first.  Most importantly you need to pray about this.  I can give you advice, Mike can give you advice, and Doddie can give you advice, but the truth of the matter is, the one you need to be seeking advice from is God.  I love you Rorey and I am here to talk if you ever want to."
"Thanks Emma.  I will remember that."
Sleep didn’t come easy that night.  I tossed and turned as I pictured Charlie's sad eyes looking at me in despair, running and talking with Mike, the note on my windshield.  I had an epiphany about 1:30 a.m.  I would look at the hand writing!  What a little Nancy Drew I had become!  I shot up in bed and flipped on my lamp.  I drug out the note and looked intently at it.  Of course I recognized the hand writing!  That was so Times New Roman!  I forgot in the midst of my brilliant plan that the note had been typed!
The alarm went off way sooner than I thought it should have.  I drug myself out of bed and into the shower.  For the first half of my morning routine I had forgotten about everything that had happened in the past 48 hours.  After my shower I went to the kitchen for my morning cup of coffee and devotion.  See its always been a good system.  My dad owns a hardware store and my mom a diner so they both leave for work about 6:30 in the morning.  They always leave me a big pot of coffee and Emma a big glass of milk!  She drinks her milk and reads the paper at 6:45 and I drink my coffee and read my devotion at 7:00.  Thus giving us each our own time in the kitchen.
The way to school was just as stressful as the day before the only difference was I couldn’t talk to myself because Lukas was riding with me.  Lukas is a good friend I grew up with.  Normally, I would pour out my heart to him, but today I didn’t feel like it.  After we got to school we both got out of the car and went to get our bags out of the back.
"Rorey, are you ok? You seem kind of down or distracted this morning?" He asked.
"OH, Im fine Lukas.  Thanks though.  I will see you later," I replied.
"Ok. Bye."
I busied myself with pointless things that morning, you know the type, things that really don’t need to be done, but they pass the time and make it so you don’t have to talk to people.  Charlie was around in a couple of classes, but I was so busy working on things I didn’t really notice him.  At lunch Mike caught me.
"Hey how’s the morning going?" He asked.
"Oh good, I got so much figured out!"
"Really? What did you decide?"
"Well, I decided the social work program at Idaho State University is not as good as the one in Minnesota.  I also called my future boss and set up an interview for next year.  Finally, and probably the most wonderfully, I planned my wedding.  Yep, set a date, figured out my colors, called the bridal store set up a trying dresses on session, talk to the flower shop about flowers that might be available in the fall ten years from now, and talked to my brides maids and got their dress sizes!"
"Wow, that good huh?  Have you figured out anything about the present yet?"
"You just had to burst my bubble huh?"
"I’m sorry,"
"It’s ok.  No, I haven’t.  Still thinking.  Hey did I tell you about the note I found last night on my car. It said something like "We have been good friends for a long time and we talk about everything, but one thing I have never told you is that I love you," isn’t that crazy?"
"It sounds like you have a secret admirer," he replied calmly.
"How can you be so calm about this? Let’s regroup shall we.  I held hands with a guy I have liked for three months and now I can't even talk to him.  Me talking to you is killing him and in the midst of it all there is some random person out there who loves me.  Chances are if I didn’t know they loved me I probably am not going to know if I love them back," I said with my voice raising higher with each word I spoke.
"Rorey, you’re going to be fine.  I don’t think you can just assume you aren’t going to love them.  They obviously are good friends with you if that’s what they said in the note."
"Well, if they are such great friends they should know that this is not the time to be confusing me with things called loved when I don’t even know how I feel about Charlie."
"Not everyone knows what happened with Charlie, Rorey."
"Right, but even if this "good friend" didn’t know about what happened with Charlie, if they are such "good friends" they should know that I like him.  That isn’t something new."
"I have to go to the office and pick up some clothes my Mom was going to drop off for me for gym class.  I will talk to you after school."
As he walked away I couldn’t really make sense of the conversation. Did he know who put that note on my window? If so, why didn’t he tell me?
I went to math class and sat through a long lecture on why our government is in ruins.  Sometimes our math teacher would get distracted and we wouldn’t actually have to do math.  We would talk about what’s going on in the world, the school, or our lives.  As I was walking out of math class I guess I was putting something in my notebook and I ran into Charlie.  Not like "hey how’s it going?".  I mean I quite literally ran into him.  I woke up to someone rubbing my head.  Let me give you a quick rundown of how I feel about doctors.  I hate when people touch me without reason.  You know like when you say my toe hurts and they are feeling around on your stomach.  Like maybe something I ate earlier was causing my big toe to have pains for the past few weeks!  I hate when people ask me the same question more than once as if I have a short memory and I am going to reply different than I didn’t two minutes ago! And finally I hate the simply white gowns they put you in!  Therefore conclusively you might be able to interpret that I HATE doctors! 
When I opened my eyes it was Doddie who was rubbing my head.
"You’re lucky you’re not a doctor, or you would so not be touching me right now little missy," I joked.
"Oh my gosh your awake, and your back. She’s back. Her sass and all!" she exclaimed to no one in particular.
"What happened to me?"
"Well, you know that guy you have been avoiding for the past couple of days.  You ran into him.  Not like hey how ya doing, but like literally.  And you weren’t expecting the collision to happen so when it did you lost your balance and hit your head on Max's books he was carrying and then hit the floor.  You hit your head pretty hard and it make you go blank."
"Go blank!  This is the girl who wants to be a doctor and you are using words like "go blank"!
We laughed hysterically for a bit.
"Did I hurt him?" I asked.
"Hurt who?"
"Well, Charlie or Max? Wait.. who is Max?"
"Max is the new kid from Wyoming.  You have been too preoccupied with Charlie to meet him. But, yes he is fine. 
"How about Charlie?"
"You just broke his heart, its ok,"
"His heart! Oh my goodness is he ok? Is he here? Did he have a heart attack? What did I do?"
"Rorey, relax.  Not physically, mentally.  You broke his heart as in he is so sad about things that are going on between you guys.  He actually cried when the first responders picked you up off the floor.  He felt so bad he begged them to let him come."
"Did they let him?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Rorey, you really have to get this figured out.  You are killing him and yourself."
"I didn’t break his heart all the way right? Its still mendable?"
"I don’t know.  I guess that is something you will have to ask him."
Just then a nurse bounced in like a rainbow bouncy ball out of a quarter machine at the mall. She made Doddie leave so she could take my blood pressure, pulse, and respirations without any distractions.  She proceeded to tell me that the white gown with blue stars that I love so dearly much brought out the green in my eyes, which I found interesting since my eyes are blue. 
After she left the door opened.  I expected it to be Doddie so I closed my eyes and said aloud, "Oh what are we going to do?"
My eyes flew open when the response was a male voice that replied "I'm not sure.  I guess thats something we need to figure out."